Ever Perform At A Wake

       On a Monday, I get a call from my friend asking if I could drive to a gig in McCallen, Tx on wednesday because of a last minute cancellation of one of the comics on the line-up.  My friend put it more of as a favor, with gas, food, and not much, but some cash would be a trade for just company between friends.  I was hesitant at first, because it's along way for a favor but I decided to go anyway out of "truck it".  The tuesday before my friend's show we get word that one of our comic buddies has passed away.

       The comic that passed away suddenly, was a local comedian from McCallen.  The fallen, was Rey Lopez, a talented, young, and well loved person with potential beyond most comics.  This was very sad news for the people that knew him, worked shows with him, but most of all his family.  The wednesday show my friend was to headline was to be a tribute show after this untimely tragedy.  So my friend Larry, being the good guy he is, asked if he should cancel due to the circumstances and whatever monies he was to get paid be donated to the family.  Larry and Rey were friends and like most Valley comics have a good relationship with SA comics.  He was told that it was ok to do the show because the tribute show was to follow Larry's show, atleast to my understanding.  Plus on a side note, later Larry felt bad about even suggesting to cancel as it was the motto of our friend Rey, that "the show must go on".  Also Larry's children liked christmas presents.

       Fast forward to wednesday at the crack of 3pm.  We begin our mini road trip for the show.  The four hours were nothing special.  Two friends bullshitting.  Gas up, grub and cigarettes.  We arrive an hour before the show starts to the theatre, which is the Historic Cine El Rey.  Walking towards the theatre, over the marquee it says REY LOPEZ FOREVER.

       Suddenly a wave of panic set in as we made our way to the entrance, atleast for me.  There were people already there waiting for the show to start.  Some were crying, which is very understandable, some were talking about Rey with smiles, and some were staring in the distance lost in deep thought.  As Larry and I make our way past the bar into the seating area in the theatre, we meet the owner at his usual spot by the soundboard.  I was very nervous as to what I figured was about to take place that night.  Just then I look at Larry and I see a reflection of "oh shit nigga" written on his face. 

       As it gets closer to showtime, many people who loved Rey start to arrive.  An array of comics, friends, and Rey's close family came to this special night.  The more that people showed up the more Larry and I realized that despite trying to convince ourselves that this was to be treated like a normal show, that impossible notion and professionalism only went so far when the majority of people were sobbing and the air filled with tragedy.

-SHOWTIME-
       The host Mario Salazar takes the stage and maybe does 5 minutes of, not matieral, but more of introducing the show and announcing the tribute show to follow.  This was a smart move.  Mean while, Larry and I are backstage waiting, pacing, and very nervous of what was about to unfold.  Just then Mario brings up the first comic.  The first comic, Jon Stringer, tries to tell stories of Rey with a cracked voice and tears pouring out of his face.  Basically he cries for 10 minutes, which is understandable.  Now, during this time, backstage, I turn to Larry and say, "Hey man, I'm not going up, Jesus Christ."  Larry breaks character, which apparently has never happened before, takes his stupid glasses off, puts on his hoody, zips it up aggressively and says, "Fuck, I dont know if I can do this man." Larry carried on to say, "People are crying and shit, what the fuck man."  I say, " So yeah um, I'll be in the car." 
       
       After a moment of working through nerves and acouple of "shits" and "fucks" being thrown at the floor, Larry puts on his glasses, takes off his hoody and trys to muster up some "I don't give a fuck" courage.  After all, this is what we do.  The wierd thing was Larry had performed at a funeral earlier in the year for our good comic friend, David, who was taken by diabetes.  David wanted a show/roast at his funeral.  For some reason this show was harder though, Larry said.  Maybe it was the circumstances of Rey's death.  He had just turned 23 two weeks before.  Rey had just died the day before.  Rey's parents and siblings were in the front row.  The dark cloud of misery hanging over everybody's head that night was very potent and almost tangible.

       Mario calls out Larry's stage name for his character, which is hilarious itself.  Mario yells into the mic with, "Please everybody, put your hands together for JESUS "WHO FARTED" MENDOZA!"  The unbelieveable moment when I see Larry walk on stage, with his t-shirt reading "who farted?", his glasses hanging off his nose, the obvious facial transformation, and the first words out of his mouth were, "Why is everybody so sad?", just about made me piss myself.  So, Larry does about 20 minutes.  He shits on Mario alot, laced with some ironic hacky jokes.  He finishes and walks backstage where he immediately puked and shit at the same time. Joking.

       Once again Mario's fat ass takes the stage, and before he brings me up, he decides to announce how I really didnt know Rey and he doesnt know why I was there, but anyway give it up folks.  In retrospect, thats comedy gold.  But at the moment when we exchanged mic and handshakes, I tell him, "so now we gotta fight." 

       I knew Rey through comedy.  I knew him as a funny guy that didnt tell obvious fat jokes about his weight.  I knew Rey as a jerk who would win competitions for comedy.  I knew Rey, but Mario was right.  I didnt belong there with all these people that knew him outside of comedy.  The many people crying and laughing as they told stories of Rey, I didnt belong there.  I did belong on the show.  I belonged on the stage as a comic but the awful feeling I felt at that moment when I saw Rey's mom in the audience, was "I'm a phony."  I started with calling Mario evil and it sucks evil lives forever and Rey is no longer here.  Then I begin to pinch the bridge of my nose with frustration and from the back of the theatre I hear a person yell, "keep going man!"  The guy that yelled out thought I was choked up but in reality I was extremely uncomfortable.  I never sweat on stage no matter how long but I was slimey with the adreneline and regret. 

       Imagine having to tell jokes at a wake and there's over a hundred people watching you.  Now imagine you're bombing so bad that a guy feels sorry enough for you, influenced under false pretenses, mind you because of the body language he is misinterpreting, to shout out, "keep going."  NOW IMAGINE you have nothing and you panic and your first (real joke) is a cum joke and it gets half a laugh.  I want to say I did my time but with that feeling, a minute felt like an hour.  Normally I keep my own time but once I saw any light I said thank you and got off stage.

       I hated what I did.  I hated being there.  I hated myself for being a phony.  I hated that random guy for shouting out.  I hated Larry for asking me to drive.  I hated Rey for dying.  I hated everything in that moment that night no matter how illogical it was. 

       Listen, the point of why I'm telling you this story of my life has nothing to do with comedy.  It's about appreciating the moment and opportunity I was given that night.  I didnt realize this until the end of Rey's tribute show that followed Larry's.  The last person to take the stage that night was Rey's mom.  She spoke candid about her son and appreciated all the love in the room that night.  She was a real person who was experiencing a real loss and still managed to say a joke in her monologue.  This woman prepared this with only a day, after her son dies.  That's when I snapped.  I realized the priviledge of being there.  I wasnt around sad people mourning.  I was around sad people celebrating an awesome person's life.  Who the hell am I to be angry or selfish.  I was lucky to be apart of such a beautiful moment.  A moment that will never happen again.

       My experience that night changed me.  First, the "nigga I performed at a wake" mentality which is a morbid badge of comedy still lingers.  Second, how weird Larry is because he donated the CDs he planned to sell for his show to the family.  This gesture was for if anybody donates money to Rey's family, they get a free CD.  Which I thought was gross because it's like promoting yourself at a funeral.  It was funny though, especially on the ride back when Larry asked if that was wrong and I said, "Yup".  Followed by Larry saying, "Really? Aww man."

       Wrapping this up, I'm glad I was apart of the love and beauty that filled the room that night.  I wouldn't trade that experience in comedy for anything.  Rest in Peace Rey and thank you.

Grumpy VS Bad Attitude

        Look, I understand that having a bad attitude isn't desired in the work place or when you have to work together for a common goal but can there be a line drawn for grumpy people v.s. bad attitude.  Not all grumpy people have bad attitudes.  Most are good people that are capable of functioning in society just not at the "speed of nice" as others.
        My "speed of nice" might not be at your pace but give me some time, I can catch up.  Especially in the morning because I'm not the kind of person that talks at the same volume throughout the day.  From 630am to 830am I think we should only communicate by whispering.  Now, if you start with the afternoon voice and keep it all day, you probably think I have a bad attitude when I shh you and point at my watch that says it's only 645am.  If I had a bad attitude I would have said, "Hey, lower your voice dummy, not everybody is fully awake this early."  Then, I would have told people how much of a jerk you were for yelling so early, knowing you were just trying to be nice.  That's a bad attitude for you.
        The line of bad attitude and grumpiness is a thin one but I believe their is a line.  Grumpiness comes to us all.  Some people get grumpy if they haven't eaten, while others if they don't get their $10 coffee.  That doesn't mean they have a bad attitude.  Some people get grumpy because every day they contemplate, is my job even necessary before the sun comes up.  All grumps are judged by people that say that person is not a team player or say that person is always in a bad mood.
        Grumpy people love their job but sometimes not the people they work with.  It's not a bad thing.  Some people can't stand their own family.  Doesn't mean they hate being apart of the family.  Some people don't realize that if they weren't family, there wouldn't be a reason for them to share a meal or even know each other.  Again I understand the need to get along in order to have a healthy work environment but some understanding on Mr. or Ms. "Let's give money to our Boss on Boss's Day" part is necessary.  Listen, I'm not going to pitch in.  That doesn't mean I have a bad attitude.  I'm just grumpy.  I can give a hand shake but that's about as far as somebody deserves for being a decent human-being to work under.  A grumpy person doesn't want to exchange gifts on Christmas at work only to have a $5 limit that, nobody stuck to, except him, be thrown in his face.  That doesn't mean they're a bad person.  A grumpy person doesn't want to participate in a potluck every week.  Lunch is a sacred time.  Lunch is the only time they have away from you so they don't get a bad attitude.
        Bad attitudes are poisons to the organization.  They participate in everything.  They sign up first and are the first person to talk bad on how poorly run the event is compared to how they would have ran it.  Bad attitudes ruin things like potlucks by having crappy food and making everybody try it, with guilt.  The bad attitudes make it a point on boss's day to bring up how small the raise was last year and how they aren't signing there name in the card because the boss sucks. 
        Bad attitudes sour grumpy people's good name.  Please don't emotionally profile grumpy people and lump them into "that guy should just quit because he doesn't fit in here" category.  Please don't emotionally discriminate.  Next time you think someone has a bad attitude, take a step back and ask yourself, "am I too loud in the morning from 630am to 830am.

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